Surviving Tough Times and Resilience: Bobby Oliver on Thriving Business -5

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Melody [: 00:00:00

Why hello, Bizfit. It is I, Melody, your lady of business. And today, we are going to talk to Bobby Oliver. Bobbie is an entrepreneur who has a background in business and economics. She lives in the beautiful state of Colorado, which I'm slightly jealous of. And she's successfully started, built, and sold multiple businesses over the past 5 years. You will hear in our conversation that we both have something in common, which is like, we both like to start the businesses and then we get bored. We do the hardest part.

Melody [: 00:00:34

Right now, she's really focused on real estate investing, land acquisition and development in Colorado. She's working with the city of Denver to create more affordable housing options, and she's really fantastic. She has an incredible story. We both have cults in common. I hope that you enjoy my conversation with Bobby Oliver. Hello, business human. Are you a misfit? A person who wants to make a difference in this business world. Are you one of the unconventional? The visionaries? The quiet innovators? The heart centered leaders? The purpose driven, the community builders, the givers, then you are my people.

Melody [: 00:01:17

I used to think business was a secret formula to be discovered and followed, but now I know it isn't a set of rules. It's an exciting creative adventure. And I wanna be on that adventure with you. I am your lady of business, Melody Edwards. Welcome to the Business Misfits podcast. Oh, hey, Bobbie. How are you doing today? Welcome to The Business Misfits.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:01:41

Hello. Thank you so much for having me, Melody. I'm so happy to be here.

Melody [: 00:01:45

I'm happy you're here. So first question is always, are you a Business Misfit?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:01:50

I think so.

Melody [: 00:01:52

What do you think makes a business misfit? Like, when you think of a misfit, what are you thinking of?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:01:58

I think about, like, the business owner who Googles everything for the 1st 2 years who probably is like a college dropout. Right? Like, not your typical business owner that they make in the movies. Like, we are kinda just making it up as we go. Always. That's what I picture a business misfit as.

Melody [: 00:02:16

Yeah. Is that your story? Because that's my story.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:02:18

Pretty much.

Melody [: 00:02:20

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:02:20

You know, there's so many resources. Like, the one the everything we need. And so, like, when I went to college, I went for economics, and then I switched to business. And then I was like, this is such a waste of time. I could Google this. Like, what Yeah. Here. So that kinda just became the pattern for what I

Melody [: 00:02:40

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:02:40

And it worked out.

Melody [: 00:02:42

So I went back to college. It took me only 10 to 12 years to finish college. I graduated when I was 30, and it was one of those things I had to check off my list, but I went for business. And it was all theory, and I'd already been running a business. I don't regret going. I don't think I would have been able to have the confidence in my life. There's something that kind of held me back, but I also feel like I could have done it because I was doing it without that degree. So just one of those things I had to, like, check the box.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:03:12

Totally good. Yeah. If that's important to you because I've thought about this tattoo, it's, you know, good for you for knowing that it wasn't a must have, but you wanted it, so you got it. Like, I respect that a lot.

Melody [: 00:03:25

Yeah. And maybe I'll go back someday and get my PhD just because my brain is like, you should do that someday. Once something gets in my brain, it just stays there. It's not a good thing usually, but that might be in 30 years. We'll see.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:03:39

Hey. Why not?

Melody [: 00:03:40

Yeah. Well, why don't you tell me so most of the people I've had come on so far, I've known a lot about, and we have had conversations. But I would love to hear more kind of about what your background is, just a little bit and kind of a little bit more about you.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:03:56

Yeah. Absolutely. So I think when we talked, it was probably about a year and a half ago. I was starting my consulting company for, like, lifestyle consulting, specifically for, like, entrepreneurs and business people. I still kinda do that on the side, but I realized that that business was going to need a lot more of my expertise and skills that I didn't quite have yet. And so it was good. You know, I had clients and they scaled. I had one client that's scaled from like 4k a month to 50k a month within 9 months.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:04:28

Right? There were other people who didn't really do a lot, just your standard clients. So I would say the project that I have there, it was good. It was solid. I'm sure eventually I'll pick that back up, but that's what I was working on when we spoke last time. Right? Yeah. Besides that, I think do we just know each other from, were you in Josh Latimer's group, like, conquer or anything?

Melody [: 00:04:50

I was in conquer. Yeah. And I think that's how we know.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:04:53

I think that's how we know each other.

Melody [: 00:04:55

Yes. It is. Yep.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:04:57

And that was from my days when I had the cleaning business with my husband. We ran that for a couple of years. Big fan of Josh Latimer. We had Phillips as one of our coaches. It was an incredible time, learned so much. But I, I essentially think I'm on my 4th company, 5th. I should I think 4th or 5th company. Because, essentially, what I've been doing since, like, 2015 is starting a business, getting it to a good spot until I get bored, and then I sell it.

Melody [: 00:05:31

Twins. We are twins. And every business I've had, I've done that because it gets really boring once you've done all that sparkly fun stuff of creating the thing. And this is the first time I almost sold this company, but this is the first time I've decided to dedicate myself to this beyond just Because my goal is to only do the fun, sparkly things in the business. So if I can get there, that's the goal, but I totally am in on that with you. Business is fun. It should be fun.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:06:06

It is fun, and it's boring when you get to a certain point and it's just not entertaining anymore, and you've done all you can do. Right?

Melody [: 00:06:14

Yes.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:06:15

There's that side of the coin. There's also the part of me that I think just didn't know what I was doing enough and didn't have enough confidence to follow through. And it took me a while to really find my niche to actually gain the confidence that I needed to professionally and, I guess, maturely operate a business. And so the company that I have now, Colorado Acres, I would say is the first company I've had that was kind of aligned with my personal maturity and my confidence, and that's really what's kept it sticking. Right? Like, I love the business, but already I'm like, oh, I just need to fix these few things. It's like a mental and physical checklist. Yeah. We're gonna move on to the next big thing and the next big thing.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:06:57

So I'm excited. Like you said, business is fun. Like, business is meant to be fun. And so if you're not having fun, find something better, but have the discipline to stay until you've checked those boxes.

Melody [: 00:07:12

Yeah. I'm an optimist with a bad memory, so let's just put that out there that I forget all the hard parts of business, which it's hard a lot of the time. But I think the things that are fun about it or it's really the problem solving, the troubleshooting, that's the part that makes it fun to me. And I think that's also why we're misfits because that's not a normal thing to, like, have fun solving problems.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:07:36

Right. Yeah. Most people, yeah, are used to think and I used to be so self conscious of not fitting in. Right?

Melody [: 00:07:43

You can

Bobby Oliver [: 00:07:43

Go to talk to your friends about having a business, and it's, oh, why are you working on the weekends? That's weird.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:07:50

Why are you skipping the holidays so you can stay home? Or why and I was like, because I fucking want to. Like

Melody [: 00:07:56

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:07:57

Like, a mild feel like I could say that and be comfortable with it. But I would say for the last 2 years, I finally was like, I just love what I do, and I really don't care about fitting in with the norm. Because number 1, that life just isn't for me. It doesn't

Melody [: 00:08:12

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:08:12

Great. Number 2, it doesn't matter what other people think. What matters is what I want. What matters is the impact I have on other people, and that's where I chose to focus. And it's been a lifesaver.

Melody [: 00:08:25

Absolutely. The question I like to ask people is, and you've kind of talked about it, is do you suffer from imposter syndrome? How have you dealt with that, and where are you at on that journey?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:08:37

Yeah. I think everyone deals with imposter syndrome, but really imposter syndrome comes from a lack of experience because we wouldn't feel like an imposter if we played that role all the time. Right. And so more than anything, I think I have an amazing mentor, number 1, and I've had him for almost a year, 1 on 1. His name's David Meltzer. If anyone knows who he is, absolute life changer. But he's taught me to shorten the distance of ease and dis ease. Essentially, meaning that when we feel this impostor syndrome, right, which is a negative feeling, we don't like feeling this way.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:09:12

When you feel that, it's okay to feel that way, but you should feel it for a few minutes or moments. And the rest of your focus on how am I going to get through this or what am I going to solve. Right. Too often, like we talked about before, it's really easy to like take hold of a thought and just ruminate on it and overthink it. And so we do have to decide what are we thinking about? And if we dwell on this imposter syndrome and we hear that word tossed around all the time.

Melody [: 00:09:43

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:09:43

But I think you really have to like, I know for me, I just had to say, well, is it actually impostor syndrome, or am I just labeling myself because I feel uncomfortable with this new project or this new business? And am I going to allow myself to feel this way? And, importantly, what am I going to think in replacement of that negative thought?

Melody [: 00:10:03

That's a lot of emotional intelligence right there. I think I've really struggled with it throughout the years. I mean, I knew I did know what I was doing, but it was more of I was seeing people who are confident and thinking there was some sort of gap, and I surely, I would feel confident if I knew what I needed to know. And so it was a lot of, like, inner work that I've had to do to get over that. It's always inner work, isn't it?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:10:28

Oh, always inner work.

Melody [: 00:10:31

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:10:32

But I'm so glad that you acknowledge that because doesn't it feel better knowing that you were not the problem, that there was no problem?

Melody [: 00:10:39

Yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes I mean, even for this podcast, I started from the place of, I don't know if I should if I have the right to do this. And I'm like, oh, but I'm gonna do it anyway. It's not easy for people, for us, for anybody to continuously push forward into areas that are really uncomfortable. I think you're like me. It sounds like I like to go in places where because in my business journey, I've gotten myself into rooms where maybe if I had I don't know how to say it, but put myself in the right rooms, which is not an easy thing to do. You know, I've paid money to be in the right rooms.

Melody [: 00:11:19

I put myself in those places because I feel like I'm worth it. I feel like I'm meant for more. I wanna understand more, grow more. It sounds like you're pretty similar.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:11:29

For sure. I think you said something that, like, really struck a chord, but I think it's like when you start going into those rooms, the first few times are terrifying and you think I'm not supposed to be here. This is, this is not for me. I'm not good enough. And, you know, the 3rd or 4th time of being in those rooms, or especially, like, when you get that experience, when you feel comfortable there, that experience creates confidence. Right?

Melody [: 00:11:55

Yes.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:11:56

People acknowledge that. People notice that. And it just takes the first step. It just takes that 1st meetup. It just takes that 1st podcast to say, oh, I've got this. Yeah, I can do. I'm meant to be here. But I think with every new project, it's always going to feel that way.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:12:15

It's just a matter of learning that lack of confidence and creating something better with everything that we're in.

Melody [: 00:12:22

Absolutely. Well, I would like to know because you seem like a very purposeful person.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:12:28

We're trying.

Melody [: 00:12:29

Yes. What do you feel like the purpose of business is for you?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:12:34

I just love it. I have tried the 9 to 5. I'm a horrible employee. I started a business when I was 8 years old.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:12:42

Like, a legitimate egg business. I had chickens. I had expense reports. I had a list of clients. Like, we're talking about a real business. And I it's not something where I'm like, oh, yeah. I did that. It was just kinda like, oh, that's just what I do.

Melody[: 00:12:56

Just Natural. Right?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:12:56

I just really love doing this. And I don't know where it comes from. You know, I'm adopted, and my adopted parents are not wealthy. They're not business people. They didn't exactly encourage me to start businesses. If anything, they would say, oh, it's good until it's not. Like, just wait until you wanna get a real job.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:13:16

They, you know, they're encouraging. I will say my sister, who is about 10 years older than me, is very similar, and she's also started multiple businesses. She's very entrepreneurial. Our background, like prior to adoption, was very rough and I'd say we almost probably had to survive more than the average kid.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:13:35

And it would surprise me if that correlates to us just being comfortable being uncomfortable because that was college for us.

Melody [: 00:13:43

Same.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:13:44

Really?

Melody [: 00:13:45

Same. Yeah. I mean, not the adoption story, but I grew up in a lot of, I would say, chaos. So, there was a lot of chaos, and it didn't feel right. Now I struggle when there's calm because I'm so used to chaos. That's what my comfort level is. So, I think a lot of entrepreneurs have that. We all have that childhood trauma of some way or another, whether it's school, whether it's more in-depth, but I think that's one of the things that probably makes us successful too.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:14:18

For sure. Yeah. I see it no differently as, you know, when you get a cut or you have surgery. Right? Like you build up a scab or you build up a scar or you build up more scar tissue. And really what that is preparing you for further damage. And you can take hits a little bit harder. You know, you're so much likely to be hit and have it hurt the same way it did, or have it hurt more if you've already been hurt before. And so I see it no different, like, with psychological or emotional problems that we dealt with as kids.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:14:48

We're comfortable with being in pain. We're, like you said, comfortable with being in chaos. We're comfortable with disease. And not to a point of this is dangerous, but to a point of I don't wanna do this anymore. I really just I wanna be happy, but I'm bored out of my mind. So I bet Yeah. Something fun to do that I really, really love where I can still feel that excitement. Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:15:13

Our brains are so interesting that way. Like, that's why I love talking with other entrepreneurs and understanding the psychology because I don't really think we understand, like, how entrepreneurs are built. But I just feel a lot different than the average brain.

Melody [: 00:15:29

Yeah. I think that's true. I think of it like I have a sparkly brain. It's just what I have, and it's really the ADHD in me, but it's not. It's like that's also part of trauma. It's part of a lot of experience, but that's why I have my whole company now. I know where my areas of weakness are, and I know where I that I wanna live in that sparkly part of my brain. And so I have to find a way to make that happen.

Melody [: 00:15:56

Yes. But when I get to live in that part of my brain, it makes me so happy.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:16:02

That's such a fun way to put it. This is my sparkling part of my brain.

Melody [: 00:16:05

Yeah. I have a sparkling brain.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:16:06

What you're talking about. This is

Melody [: 00:16:08

I know you do. When I say it, people understand it.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:16:12

Like if you ever write a book, I just feel like it needs to be called the sparkly brain, and it just needs to be like a picture of a brain with glitter on it. Like just a glitter color.

Melody [: 00:16:23

I do love that.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:16:23

That's my picture.

Melody [: 00:16:25

Okay. I'll have to write you in the book that it was inspired by you.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:16:29

I'll be honored.

Melody [: 00:16:30

Thank you. What is something that you wish you had known in the beginning of your business journey that you know now?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:16:36

A lot of things. I'm not really the type of person to be thinking about, like, oh, I wish this or that were different.

Melody [: 00:16:43

Yeah. It's more for the person who's listening.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:16:46

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Let me think about this. I wish I would have been more optimistic and kind to myself sooner. Because when we're harsh on ourselves, we hold ourselves back. When we lack confidence and kindness, we hold ourselves back. I wish I would have had more confidence when I started business and I wish I would have realized that I was likable.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:17:12

Right?

Melody [: 00:17:13

Mhmm.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:17:13

I think entrepreneurs, we tend to be I wouldn't say pessimistic, but almost we're overly analytical and emotional. Right? But some Yeah. That analytical part of our brain will say, what if they don't like me? What if I fucked up? What if this? What if that? And we get very negative and it's usually towards ourselves because we also take a little too much accountability. I wish I just wouldn't have given a fuck. And I wish I was comfortable with that. Right. Because if that were the case, I probably would be 5 years further ahead.

Melody [: 00:17:46

Yeah. I feel like that's part of the journey. I mean, the journey of aging as well is that we stop caring as much about certain things or realize, oh, this is bullshit. Why have I been caring about this for so long? Yep. I think what's happened with me as I've realized that because I've kind of been, like, almost naive at some points about business and thinking there was some magic secret thing. But then when I get into those rooms, like we've talked about, like and I see that, oh, these are just people who have the same sometimes, they don't even know as much, but they are more confident. That's all. Yep.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:18:22

Yep.

Melody [: 00:18:22

And so that confidence gap can be such a huge thing that holds us back.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:18:27

For sure.

Melody [: 00:18:28

I wish the same. I wish I had been more confident and believed in that lower gut feeling about what's gonna work for business and not just listen to other people.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:18:37

For sure. And also just having the confidence to start and stop. Right?

Melody [: 00:18:43

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:18:44

When to start a business, when to stop a relationship, or when to stop a partnership, when to get financing, when to stop financing. We forget that we're the driver of the vehicle we built.

Melody [: 00:18:57

That is huge right there. I tell my team often, we get to decide who's our customer. We get to decide when we turn on our funnel for recruiting or turn off our funnel, but we it doesn't feel like it because business seems to happen to us all the time. It just goes. Right? There's always emergencies. There's always chaos. It's always urgent fires. It's really a choice we get to make.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:19:21

Because what kind of business do you have again?

Melody [: 00:19:24

So I have a virtual assistant agency.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:19:26

Okay. That's what I thought. Yeah. That is Yeah. Busy.

Melody [: 00:19:29

It is. But I also had the window cleaning company in the past, a holiday lights company. I had a coffee shop at one point. These are all things I've started or bought and sold. There's a lot of things, and I think the cool thing is everything I learned in all those other businesses led to this business.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:19:48

Love that.

Melody [: 00:19:49

And I've been able to help so many people learn systems and things in a way that they can understand that's very simple. I would never have been able to do that without all of those other experiences.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:20:01

I love that because then it makes all of the challenges you experienced worth it.

Melody [: 00:20:07

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:20:09

And that's so glad I went through this so that they don't have to.

Melody [: 00:20:10

Pretty much. Like, that's kind of how I stay sane. Yeah. Otherwise, I don't know why we would continue on with it sometimes. But in those moments when it's not fun, when it's hard or difficult, it's like my other purpose is, oh, I wanna help people. So it's more than just me or more than just the freedom. It's being able to, like, help impact people's lives in positive ways.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:20:35

Such a good feeling because it's I always say, like, I wouldn't care if nobody else knew. But it's a really good feeling when I know other people are taken care of.

Melody [: 00:20:47

Yeah. Yeah. It is a good feeling. Yeah. What is your strongest area of business? So I think of it as, like, there's the office, the marketing, sales, operations of something. Where do you really shine?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:20:59

I think it's changed over the years. Right? I went to school for economics and accounting. Right? Numbers are naturally I'm naturally okay at numbers. I don't have my degree because I quit and I got really, really bored of accounting. But I would say I tend to be very passionate about what I work on. And so I I've gotten really good at eliminating what I know should not be important and focusing on what is important and then being able to share that vision with people so they'll have the same passion. Right? Because your vision is worthless if you can't articulate it properly.

Melody [: 00:21:35

Oh, yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:21:36

I used to be a very poor storyteller and I used to leave out important details or expect a big result by telling half the story. And I would say in the last 2 years, I've gotten much better, and I wouldn't say expert level, right, but I would say it is a strong suit where I'm very good at articulating a vision or a project and getting people connected and putting those pieces together, putting those pieces together of an entire project to say, this is what it should look like. You're responsible for part a. You're responsible for part b. I'm responsible for all of it, and I'm gonna help you fix your part or do your part. But this is the entire thing, and I only want you to focus on this. So delegating that, but being able to see the whole vision, zooming in and zooming out has really been, fun. I mean, it's the best part of having a business in my mind because I can go very deep into one subject and then go out and say, how does this contribute to the entire project? Does it Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:22:35

Interview, if not, eliminate it. And then Yeah. Working on it.

Melody [: 00:22:39

It's also kind of internal marketing when you're being able to held the vision.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:22:44

I like that. It is internal marketing.

Melody [: 00:22:47

Yeah. And that's the other thing is, like, all of our skill sets in business kind of help the other areas of business if we're open to it. Like, if we're open to learning, if we have that growth mindset, and that's what I think makes it enjoyable.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:23:01

For sure. You get to learn a little bit about everything, and then you get to be an expert at the overall picture of the frames.

Melody [: 00:23:08

Yeah. So tell me about 2,001.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:23:24

I'll be honest, I don't really remember it. But also, it's super significant to my life. So I'm adopted. Right? I was born in 98. I was adopted in 2,001 at 3 years old. The reason why I always say that that's significant, because it took me a really long time to even approach it, was I was adopted and then my dad was super upset about the adoption and he went and committed suicide over it. Took me years to even acknowledge it and to be okay with it. But I think the reason it's so significant is because I felt I wouldn't say guilty, but I felt that's a it's a really deep pain.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:24:04

Like, I really wanna express feeling guilty for someone else's life or loss of life. Right? Like feeling responsible for my dad's death ever since I can remember, like quite literally since I was 6 years old being like,

Melody [: 00:24:20

Yeah, you were a kid.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:24:21

He was so upset over that, that he killed himself. That kind of sucks. I've accepted it now. And, you know, I I'm at peace with everything there. But I felt that pain for a really long time, and I will say that it created a lot of that emotional scar tissue that was almost necessary to be gentle with myself.

Melody [: 00:24:38

Were you carrying that alone? Is that something you didn't talk about for a long time or understand?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:24:44

Yeah. You know, it was funny because my adopted parents were not they didn't have a lot of confidence either. They couldn't have kids. And so I remember being a kid wanting to ask about my parents, and they would kinda just shut it down. They would kinda talk about it. They would allow for visitation from my mom, but they were always very standoffish and always kinda held it against me and my siblings because we're a sibling group, same mom and dad. And I just remember almost feeling bad for wanting to know more about my real parents. And then when I was a teenager, like, my grandparents started reaching out, and I went and visited them and saw pictures of my dad.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:25:20

I was like, oh my god. It looks so much like him. And since then, you know, it's kind of a year after year, this evolving feeling. I just feel so at peace with it, but I never felt like I could talk to my adopted parents about missing my dad or about calling them mom and dad. It was always just very awkward and very cold. And so I can

internalize it and very much keep it to myself. But I think having that happen, like, so young and accepting it, really having to use my brain to essentially problem solve, process those emotions, really set me up for success when bad things happened later on. Because bad things just happen in life.

Melody [: 00:25:59

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:26:00

I'm almost more emotionally prepared than I think I would have been had I not lost my dad at 3 years old.

Melody [: 00:26:07

Yeah. I actually agree with you on that. This is not what any of us want for our lives, but I think it does help us to build, not for everybody, of course. In some of us, there's like we can take a path towards kind of resiliency, and I don't wanna discount the people who haven't been able to move in that path. And I don't always think that's a choice. There's something special about a business misfit or a bizfit. There's something that that growth mindset is always there, and curiosity and openness, I think, maybe from the youngest ages because I was very much like you of wanting businesses when I was young and just being very curious about the world.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:26:49

Yeah. It sounds like we have a very similar background too because you talk about the chaos with being in a cult or I don't want to call it a cult, but yeah, we grew up in that chaotic environment and just the expectations that are put on you and the fear and everything. Yeah. It's wild world. And when you're an entrepreneur, you're like, this normal life's got nothing on me. Like, I'm bored of normal work. Yeah. Like, give me something hard.

Melody [: 00:27:15

Yeah. Hard is fun. It's like a slingshot.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:27:18

You just the pendulum swings so hard in their direction.

Melody [: 00:27:22

It does. Yeah. I'm gonna just define cult. I think you were in a cult if there was some charismatic leader somewhere and you lose all your friends when you leave and nobody will talk to you anymore because you're evil in some way. So that to me, it's a cult.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:27:40

So we are both cults. We both agree.

Melody [: 00:27:43

Yeah. It's a nice funny story to tell now that I'm a grown up adult in therapy.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:27:51

It's not on when you're going through it and you think world is ending.

Melody [: 00:27:53

No, I mean, it really feels like the world is ending because your whole world was built around those people. So it was tough. It sounds like you were a little older when you were in your thing. I was probably from ages 8 to 11, I think.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:28:08

Oh, okay. I mean, that's still that's a crazy time though because you are Yes. That's just how your brain is developing around that time, what you're being quietly. That's such a tender age.

Melody [: 00:28:20

It's very tender.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:28:22

Yeah. I'm glad you're in therapy now. I'm glad that's better.

Melody [: 00:28:24

Oh, I've been in therapy since I was 18, so there's my growth mindset.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:28:28

I love it.

Melody [: 00:28:30

Yeah. Hey. We all need a therapist.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:28:32

Yeah. But, yeah, I was in it from since I was adopted. So

Melody [: 00:28:36

Wow.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:28:36

3 or 4 to, 2021.

Melody [: 00:28:40

Wow. That's like insane. I can't imagine because I didn't make the choice to leave as a grown up or something. Like, I was a kid, so I was just doing what my parents did. So it's funny. Once you start talking about being in a cult or mentioning it offhand, you find so many other people who've also left cults.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:28:59

Right.

Melody [: 00:28:59

And then

Bobby Oliver [: 00:28:59

Oh, so we can talk about this now.

Melody [: 00:29:01

Yeah. It's not as rare as we think it is.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:29:05

So Funny. It's like it's this hidden secret until it's not.

Melody [: 00:29:09

Yes. And then everybody was in a cult. Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:29:11

Everyone. Everyone.

Melody [: 00:29:12

All the cool kids. Let's talk about 2019. What happened then?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:29:17

Yeah. 2019 was a fun time. It was horrible. It was we're still recovering from 2019. Okay? We just got over 2001.

Melody [: 00:29:26

I know. I'm sorry. These are all the

Bobby Oliver [: 00:29:28

No. No. You're all good.

Melody [: 00:29:30

I But these are the good stories.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:29:31

They're the good stories.

Melody [: 00:29:32

You know?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:29:32

Yeah. For sure. These are the building blocks, but the Yeah. Foundational ones. Right? We got 2019. Like I'm running a successful business with my now ex husband. We've been running it for almost 2 years at that point, you know, bringing in decent 6 figures every year, had a good operations, had, were part of Josh Latimer's group. Like everything's going great.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:29:55

And then November of 2019, my ex husband gets into a really bad car accident. So I don't really talk about this a lot because it's still kind of gets to me sometimes. Overall, everything's great, but there are times yeah. Just a little sensitive towards it.

Melody [: 00:30:10

Of course.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:30:11

And also, I just don't want to blemish anyone's reputation. But he got into an accident and had really bad traumatic brain injury, TBI. And he never quite recovered from it. And yet, you know, at the time I was what, 21? And it messed with me just on another level because when you're running a business with your partner and when you're going home to your partner and suddenly that partner, they're there, but they're not there. Yeah. Especially when I was 21. You know, I thought I was supposed to be so adult. At the time we had like 4 employees.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:30:44

I was trying to work nonstop. I was doing everything and taking care of someone who was super violent for months because of brain injury, who never really quite came back. It came back, but it was not in it wasn't in the way that I felt safe anymore. Yeah. And so I understood getting divorced. And that divorce, you know, that went with getting into divorce, but then also leaving the church that we were a part of, which was I was so entangled in that and felt just very ostracized from them.

Melody [: 00:31:16

Yeah. I watched you online during that time. I wasn't like I was stalking you, but your stuff would come up in that story. You talked about it at the time in some ways, and so it was something that stuck with me about you. Yeah. I thought the vulnerability that you showed and just really kind of being like, this is who I am. I'm owning who I am. I remember that there was a point in that part of your journey stuck with me.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:31:45

Oh, well, that makes me so happy. Thank you so much. But yeah, it was a crazy time. You're looking back, you don't realize it's like when you're in the eye of a hurricane, right? You don't realize you're in the middle of the storm. I've never been in a hurricane. That's just what I've heard. It seemed you're just kind of going through the motions. And I was kind of, my brain was kind of on this like survival mode where I was just getting through every day.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:32:11

And I just remember when I finally said, like, hey. I want a divorce and, you know, we can split the business, but I need to get a job. It was it was all this stuff. And whenever people would ask me, like, oh, you know, what's going on? I'd be like, listen. I just I don't feel safe. Right? Like, I can't have someone who's hitting me and then go back into the office the next day. And so I went to all the therapy, so much therapy. Couples therapy, like, I wanted to work it out so bad, but I just ultimately made the decision that it wasn't going to work.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:32:40

And

Melody [: 00:32:41

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:32:41

The reason I couldn't get over the it wasn't that I couldn't forgive. Right? Because I do forgive them. But I think at the time, it was like I was so terrified of that quick mental switch of what if this person freaks out on me again? What if I'm gonna cover up my bruises with makeup? What if someone notices? What if someone talks about it? All these, like Yeah. Pessimistic, but just scary thoughts. And Yeah. I think you should only try to fix something until, like I said earlier, until you check off all those boxes. And then you can make that step and say, okay. I've tried everything.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:33:18

What's my exit strategy? And so that's it, there, and got divorced, you know, got a normal job, and then eventually moved out of state just because I wanted to be in my safe place. But that taught me so much. Like I had to grow up so quick.

Melody [: 00:33:34

Yeah.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:33:34

And it worked out great. Right? And like, I'm happy. I'm sure he's happy. That's all fine and good. But it was definitely interesting and like just so life changing. You know, I would not I am not even close to where I am today, how that not happened. So I'm really, really grateful that it did happen. At the time, I will say I was so suicidal And it was months of being suicidal.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:33:58

It was failed suicide attempts. Like it was horrible because I didn't think it could get better. I did not see a way out. It all worked out exactly how we should have.

Melody [: 00:34:08

So it's so interesting, our parallel paths, because when I was 18, I was hospitalized probably three times. There a lot of suicidal ideation, but the main thing in attempts, the main part was that I mean, I was going through something intense, and also there was nothing forward that I could possibly see. I just could not see outside of that in any way. And I think it's not uncommon, especially with entrepreneurs we have. It's almost like that that sparkly brain as I call it, is also a lot of energy. Right? And when you're on those highs, there's also lows, but there's also, like, so much like, we talked about chaos and stuff. I don't think it's rare that people struggle with, you know, mental health.

Melody [: 00:34:55

I mean, I know that it's not rare and entrepreneurship.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:34:58

Yeah. We're so much more likely to have some sort of I wouldn't say mental disorder, but mental "Darkliness" if that's what you wanna call it.

Melody [: 00:35:07

Yes.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:35:08

And you have to. Yeah. We have a negative connotation for ADHD or even, like, bipolar or depression or Yeah. All these different emotions or different ways of how our brain manages itself. I just think we're full of energy. But how we navigate that energy is up to us, but you have to be willing to navigate it. And so I don't think it's a bad thing at all to feel those feelings more intensely than most people would.

Melody [: 00:35:36

Yeah. And I hope that someday it's, like, more talked about. And it's it is now. I think with things like TikTok and Facebook and mostly TikTok, I would say. We've learned a lot from TikTok. But I think it's something that even still, there's a lot of shame around it, and we it feels like weakness and, you know, there's a lot that goes into it. So I really appreciate you talking about that because those are not easy things. But I don't know if you're like me, but the more I talk about it, the more I feel like I can breathe, the more normalized it is, and the more I feel like I'm helping other people normalize it as well.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:36:15

I mean, like we said earlier, it's if I know that it helps someone else, even if they don't know it's me directly helping them. Right? Yeah. Even if they see some of my experiences and it helps them or it gives them a little bit of hope, I don't need a congratulations. I don't even need a thank you. I don't need an acknowledgment. Yeah. Sometimes that's nice. But overall, if I know that I'm helping someone in those little ways, that's what matters.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:36:38

Like, that's where the win, and it makes it so much more worth going through all these challenges and struggles and really, really difficult times.

Melody [: 00:36:46

Yeah. I totally agree. Okay. Well, it's time for the fun part of the episode, which is our misfit minute. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:36:59

I'm such a night owl.

Melody [: 00:36:59

Introvert or extrovert? I like to say I'm an extrovert with a little bit of social anxiety.

Melody [: 00:37:07

More time or more money?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:37:09

More time so I can go make more money.

Melody [: 00:37:11

Yeah. Type A or type ADD?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:37:14

I don't know. I don't

Melody [: 00:37:15

we all have parts of this. Like, we are all of these things in some way. I used to I had ADHD.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:37:23

But I now I just think it's laziness, and then I used to think I was very type A. I do like to have control. I'll say that. But then I was, like, kinda grew up in that environment, where Yeah. Safe. So a little bit of both, probably 50-50.

Melody [: 00:37:37

Plus there's that hyper focus that makes us super type A.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:37:41

Oh, wow.

Melody [: 00:37:41

Like, I totally live in that. Saver or spender?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:37:45

I used to be such a saver, and then I was like, wait, I can make so much more if I'm a spender. I just have to spend in the right areas.

Melody [: 00:37:53

Mhmm. Workaholic or recovering workaholic?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:37:57

Definitely recovering workaholic.

Melody [: 00:38:00

Do you like adventures or relaxing?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:38:03

Really love adventures.

Melody [: 00:38:05

Things or experiences?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:38:07

That depends. Probably experiences?

Melody [: 00:38:10

Phone calls or texts?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:38:12

Probably phone calls.

Melody [: 00:38:13

Plan ahead or go with the flow?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:38:16

Plan ahead. I'm a big planner, like to a vault. It's a real problem.

Melody [: 00:38:20

Hands on or delegate?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:38:23

Used to be very hands on. I try to trust and delegate more now.

Melody [: 00:38:27

Compete or collaborate?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:38:30

Compete.

Melody [: 00:38:31

Oh, I think you're the only one who's answered that. That's good. Sweet or savory?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:38:36

Probably sweet.

Melody [: 00:38:38

Quick thinker or over thinker?

Bobby Oliver [: 00:38:40

Over thinker.

Melody [: 00:38:41

Yeah. Okay. But you made it through all of my questions Really? And you won. You won something.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:38:48

Won? Oh my god. What did I win?

Melody [: 00:38:50

You're just a winner. You're a Bizfit now.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:38:52

I love you so much. I will say I meant to tell you this earlier. You are the first woman podcast host that I've had, like, that I thought to be.

Melody [: 00:39:02

Yay.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:39:03

So this was a milestone. I'm so glad that I was on here because it's like conversations with other women business owners.

Melody [: 00:39:11

Mhmm.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:39:11

I'm like, this I just know this is gonna be great.

Melody [: 00:39:14

Yes. I really want all of my guests on the 1st season to be all women, so this has been fun.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:39:21

Yeah. So fun.

Melody [: 00:39:23

Well, I had so much fun talking to you. This really was I love going deep. So the fact that you were willing to go right there with me, it was really nice. So I appreciate that.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:39:32

Yeah. You ask amazing questions. So thank you for Oh. And for being just a safe space to talk about that with.

Melody [: 00:39:39

Oh, thank you for being here.

Bobby Oliver [: 00:39:40

Yeah. Of course.

Melody [: 00:39:45

Listen, Bizfit. If you believe in the mission of this podcast, I need you to like and subscribe right now. Pause this. Go find the podcast. You might already be there, which is easy. Just go like and subscribe. And if you really, really believe in it, and you want Bizfits to unite and change the whole business world, please rate it. Rating is the best way to get the word out to attract more like minded misfits like you and me, so that we can overthrow the takers of this world who currently dominate the business universe.

Melody [: 00:40:13

Now I know I sound like I'm some courageous lady of business. I am not. I can't do this alone, and I don't want to. I need you and we need a coalition of fellow Bizfits. So do it now. The quicker we take action, the quicker we can change our business world. Now let's go do great things, and I will see you next week.